TEN SUREFIRE WAYS TO LOSE A CONGREGATION

Fr. Peter Ingeman

1.      Mumble.  Preach to the paper on the pulpit, in monotone without looking up or making eye contact.

2.     Speak very fast or, conversely, speak very slowly; the first will lose them and the second will put them to sleep.

3.     Use “canned” sermons. Everyone has a pattern and rhythm to their speaking; it is not difficult to tell if the words are not yours. The illustrations from pre-prepared sermons simply don’t ring true. Everyone has good stories of their own that are better.

4.     Use “canned” jokes. A humorous story about a little boy on a wheat farm in Nebraska doesn’t sound genuine in Georgia.

5.     Repeat the readings, word for word. They have already heard them. We all have experiences that relate to the point of the readings; those experiences are often your real text.

6.     Make more than one point. The four readings have usually been selected because they make one good point. If you find that point the congregation often can make the connections. Too many points really dilute the sermon.

7.     Patronize the congregation. Best done with lengthy explanations of big words and extensive descriptions of geography. It gives the impression that you think you are smarter than they are and that is generally counterproductive.

8.     Make obscure personal references to matters and people that really have no relevance to the sermon; e.g. “The Upper Peninsula of Michigan is connected to the state by the Michilimackinac bridge.’ Yes, I actually heard that one and never could relate the fact to the sermon.

9.     Drop names; really important names are best. “I was speaking to Kathy Schorri at Walmart the other day.”

10.    Use the words “I” and “you”; they create a barrier between you and the congregation. The word “we” is the connection.